Nature's Show & Tell

So a bunch of us usually go running in the mornings at 6:30. And we almost never see any kind of wildlife which disappoints us because there are supposedly zebra and impala around.  Anyway, I went this morning  by myself because the other peeps didn't want to run.
I went the usual way, up the paved road and up the hill but then I decided to do some exploration and go off on a hidden path I discovered.  It was your pretty standard path, nothing too interesting.  I decided to turn back and continue on down the paved road, so I did.
I was starting to get tired and breakfast was fast approaching so I thought I might turn around but something was urging me to move forward.  Some...thing.
I ran forward down the road another quarter mile and lo and behold!!

12 impala were feasting on the succulent grasses of the African terrain right next to the road!  *gasp, "This is FANtastic," I thought to myself.  So I sat down in the middle of the road to watch them.  It was so cool because they were on both sides of the chowing down right before my very eyes.  But then I noticed a rustle in the trees ahead so I crept forward a little.

4 ZEBRA!!  They were also enjoying the delightful treats provided by dear mother nature's bosom.  I was about to pee my shorts from excitement when I looked to my right and saw a little monkey chillen in a tree not 6 feet from me.  That threw me over the edge of the chasm I had been teetering on for the last 5 minutes.
So all of these creatures were within a 50 foot radius of my position on the road.  And then I realized I didn't bring my camera.  I soon discovered how big a mistake that was when mr. monk monk next to me decided to come a little bit closer and spread his legs to reveal a very colorful genital area.  He then proceeded to urinate on the ground in front of me, run across the street, and clammer up another tree.
10 minutes passed and I decided it was time for food because the herds began to move on and I was hungry.  I got back to the room and acknowledged my urge to urinate by a trip to the bathroom.
It was then I noticed something like a ball of string stuck to the ceiling.
OFCOURSE I HAD TO POKE IT WITH A STICK...so I did.  Then the ball of string exploded into the most massive, disgusting, hairy, long-legged spider I have ever seen.  I could have sworn it screeched at me as it descended from it's lair to the floor below.
I almost died and called the rest of the men over to decided what to do with it.  After taking 46 pictures of the biggest spider anyone had ever seen in our lives, we decided it would be necessary to capture this beast.
This took quite some time because we were all scared it would spit acid at us or something.  I'm quite positive the thing has been alive for at least a thousand years.  Anyway, the beast has been captured and rightly name, 'The Cracken" after the mythological beast.  It currently is resided in a tightly sealed bag in the middle of our hall until we release it into the girls' dwelling.
That is all